You know I am far from slighting the innocent pleasures in which others
delight--It would have been happier for me, perhaps, had I had more
leisure to attend those amusements, than I have found. Yet I am not
sure, neither: for methinks, with all the pangs that my suspenses have
cost me, I would not but have known Sir Charles Grandison, his sisters,
his Emily, and Dr. Bartlett.
I could only have wished to have been spared Sir Hargrave Pollexfen's
vile attempt: then, if I had come acquainted with this family, it would
have been as I came acquainted with others: my gratitude had not been
engaged so deeply.
Well--But what signify if's?--What has been, has; what must be, must.
Only love me, my dear friends, as you used to love me. If I was a good
girl when I left you, I hope I am not a bad one now, that I am returning
to you. My morals, I bless God, are unhurt: my heart is not corrupted by
the vanities of the great town: I have a little more experience than I
had: and if I have severely paid for it, it is not at the price of my
reputation. And I hope, if nobody has benefited by me, since I have been
in town, that no one has suffered by me. Poor Mr. Fowler!--I could not
help it, you know. Had I, by little snares, follies, coquetries, sought
to draw him on, and entangle him, his future welfare would, with reason,
be more the subject of my solicitude, than it is now necessary it should
be; though, indeed, I cannot help making it a good deal so.
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