'I cannot be ungenerous.' To the noble lady, I suppose? He must take
compassion on her. And did he think himself under an obligation to my
forwardness to make this declaration to me, as to one who wished him to
be ungenerous to such a lady for my sake!--I cannot bear the thought of
this. Is it not as if he had said, 'Fond Harriet, I see what you expect
from me--But I must have compassion for, I cannot be ungenerous to,
Clementina!'--But, what a poor word is compassion! Noble Clementina! I
grieve for you, though the man be indeed a generous man!--O defend me, my
better genius, from wanting the compassion even of a Sir Charles
Grandison!
But what means he by the word selfish! He cannot be selfish!--I
comprehend not the meaning of this word--Clementina has a very high
fortune--Harriet but a very middling one. He cannot be unjust,
ungenerous to Clementina--Nor yet selfish--This word confounds me, from a
man that says nothing at random!
Well, but breakfast-time is come, while I am busy in self-debatings. I
will go down, that I may not seem to affect parade. I will endeavour to
see with indifference, him that we have all been admiring and studying
for this last fortnight, in such a variety of lights. The christian: the
hero: the friend:--Ah, Lucy! the lover of Clementina: the generous
kinsman of Lord W----: the modest and delicate benefactor of the
Mansfields: the free, gay, raillier of Lady Beauchamp; and, in her, of
all our sex's foibles!
But he is come! While I am prating to you with my pen, he is come--Why,
Lucy, would you detain me?--Now must the fool go down in a kind of hurry:
Yet stay till she is sent for.
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