That is
horrible, it is so bad. At first they received me very kindly, that is
absolutely the truth; but when they saw that I could not help despising
them, you know, in these inconceivably small circumstances, they saw
that I was a man absolutely different, standing far above them, they got
angry with me, and began to put various little humiliations on me. You
haven't an idea what I had to suffer. [Footnote: CE QUE J'AI EUA
SOUFFRIR VOUS NE FAITES PAS UNE IDEE.] Then this forced relationship
with the yunkers, and especially with the small means that I had--I
lacked everything; [Footnote: AVEC LES PETITS MOYENS QUE J'AVAIS, JE
MANQUAIS DE TOUT] I had only what my sister used to send me. And here's
a proof for you! As much as it made me suffer, I with my character, AVEC
MA FIERTE J'AI ECRIS A MON PERE, begged him to send me something. I
understand how living four years of such a life may make a man like our
cashiered Dromof who drinks with soldiers, and writes notes to all the
officers asking them to loan him three rubles, and signing it, TOUT A
VOUS, DROMOF. One must have such a character as I have, not to be mired
in the least by such a horrible position."
For some time he walked in silence by my side.
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