Occupied with agricultural pursuits, I
ceased not to sigh in secret for my former noisy and careless life. The
most difficult thing of all was having to accustom myself to passing the
spring and winter evenings in perfect solitude. Until the hour for
dinner I managed to pass away the time somehow or other, talking with
the bailiff, riding about to inspect the work, or going round to look at
the new buildings; but as soon as it began to get dark, I positively did
not know what to do with myself. The few books that I had found in the
cupboards and storerooms I already knew by heart. All the stories that
my housekeeper Kirilovna could remember I had heard over and over again.
The songs of the peasant women made me feel depressed. I tried drinking
spirits, but it made my head ache; and moreover, I confess I was afraid
of becoming a drunkard from mere chagrin, that is to say, the saddest
kind of drunkard, of which I had seen many examples in our district.
I had no near neighbors, except two or three topers, whose conversation
consisted for the most part of hiccups and sighs. Solitude was
preferable to their society. At last I decided to go to bed as early as
possible, and to dine as late as possible; in this way I shortened the
evening and lengthened out the day, and I found that the plan answered
very well.
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