Simultaneously columns of signal smoke
arose in all directions round about. Instantly our lines closed in
the front and rear and we came to an abrupt halt. What I saw then
made my heart sink, for the drivers seemed to be paralyzed with
terror. The very men who had heretofore found a great delight in
trying to frighten me with tales of Indian atrocities were now
themselves scared out of their wits. Young and inexperienced though I
was, I realized that to be now attacked by Indians meant to be
slaughtered and scalped. Some of the men were actually crying from
fright, seeming to be completely demoralized. I noticed how one of
our men in loading his musket rammed home a slug of lead, forgetting
his charge of powder entirely. The sight of this disgusted me so that
I became furious, and in the measure that my anger rose my fear
subsided and vanished. I railed at the poor fellow and abused and
cursed him shamefully, threatening to kill him for being a coward and
a fool. I made him draw the bullet and reload his musket in a proper
manner.
When I grew older I acquired the faculty to curb the instinctive
feeling of fear which is inborn in all creatures and undoubtedly is a
wise provision of nature, necessary to the continuance of life and
conducive to self-preservation.
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