But she didn't trample on me. I was the only one that
could do anything with her demons--for she wasn't going to be bothered
with them herself. No, SHE took no trouble for them. But they must just
have their way, they mustn't be spoken to. And Master Gerald was the
beauty. I left when he was a year and a half, I could stand no more.
But I pinched his little bottom for him when he was in arms, I did,
when there was no holding him, and I'm not sorry I did--'
Gudrun went away in fury and loathing. The phrase, 'I pinched his
little bottom for him,' sent her into a white, stony fury. She could
not bear it, she wanted to have the woman taken out at once and
strangled. And yet there the phrase was lodged in her mind for ever,
beyond escape. She felt, one day, she would HAVE to tell him, to see
how he took it. And she loathed herself for the thought.
But at Shortlands the life-long struggle was coming to a close. The
father was ill and was going to die. He had bad internal pains, which
took away all his attentive life, and left him with only a vestige of
his consciousness.
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