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Burroughs, Edgar Rice, 1875-1950

"The Oakdale Affair"


Never had Willie Case spent so frightful a half hour
as that within the brilliant interior of The Elite Restau-
rant. Twenty-three minutes of this eternity was con-
sumed in waiting for his order to be served and seven
minutes in disposing of the meal and paying his check.
Willie's method of eating was in itself a sermon on
efficiency--there was no lost motion--no waste of time.
He placed his mouth within two inches of his plate
after cutting his ham and eggs into pieces of a size that
would permit each mouthful to enter without wedging;
then he mixed his mashed potatoes in with the result
and working his knife and fork alternately with bewild-
ering rapidity shot a continuous stream of food into his
gaping maw.
In addition to the meat and potatoes there was one
vegetable in a side-dish and as dessert four prunes. The
meat course gone Willie placed the vegetable dish on
the empty plate, seized a spoon in lieu of knife and
fork and--presto! the side-dish was empty. Whereupon
the prune dish was set in the empty side-dish--four deft
motions and there were no prunes--in the dish. The en-
tire feat had been accomplished in 6:34 1/2, setting a
new world's record for red-headed farmer boys with one
splay foot.


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