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Barrie, J. M. (James Matthew), 1860-1937

"What Every Woman Knows"

You're sure you're in, John?
JOHN. Majority 244. I've beaten the baronet. I've done it, Maggie,
and not a soul to help me; I've done it alone. [His voice breaks; you
could almost pick up the pieces.] I'm as hoarse as a crow, and I have
to address the Cowcaddens Club yet; David, pump some oxygen into me.
DAVID. Certainly, Mr. Shand. [While he does it, MAGGIE is seeing
visions.]
ALICK. What are you doing, Maggie?
MAGGIE. This is the House of Commons, and I'm John, catching the
Speaker's eye for the first time. Do you see a queer little old wifie
sitting away up there in the Ladies' Gallery? That's me. 'Mr.
Speaker, sir, I rise to make my historic maiden speech. I am no
orator, sir'; voice from Ladies' Gallery, 'Are you not, John? you'll
soon let them see that'; cries of 'Silence, woman,' and general
indignation. 'Mr. Speaker, sir, I stand here diffidently with my eyes
on the Treasury Bench'; voice from the Ladies' Gallery, 'And you'll
soon have your coat-tails on it, John'; loud cries of 'Remove that
little old wifie,' in which she is forcibly ejected, and the
honourable gentleman resumes his seat in a torrent of admiring
applause.
[ALICK and DAVID waggle their proud heads.]
JOHN [tolerantly]. Maggie, Maggie.
MAGGIE. You're not angry with me, John?
JOHN. No, no.
MAGGIE. But you glowered.
JOHN. I was thinking of Sir Peregrine.


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